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The Essential Episode Guide to

Star Trek The Next Generation


SPOILER ALERT: There are spoilers throughout. You should have seen all of these episodes already anyway O_o


 

Season Five

Episode 101  "Redemption, Part II"
Worf gets kidnapped! Drinkers, take your drinks! But wait, who is that blonde Romulan?  Tasha Yar's daughter? The same Tasha Yar who was sent back in time with Shooter McGavin on the Enterprise C (see episode 63)? Hmmm that would mean, yep, she was kidnapped by the Romulans! Have another!

 

 

Notice the slight resemblance to Tasha.
"I've been told I look just like my father."


 

Episode 102  "Darmok"
Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker in Rush Hour.  Dinosaur-looking thing with the One Ring.  Conan at Shadazar. Picard, his shirt torn.

Wait a minute. That Tamarian captain looks awfully familiar. In fact, he looks a lot like Captain Terrell of the Reliant from Star Trek II. Apparently Captain Terrell had a love affair (or maybe he married) a Tamarian woman during some exploration mission. So, this son shows up to harass Picard? Wow. Two offspring episodes back to back.

 

(thanks go to Jon Nauss for bringing this to my attention)

Episode 103  "Ensign Ro"
Admiral Caine / Ensign Ro reports for duty aboard the Enterprise.  Riker greets her with disrespect and a condescending attitude.  What a surprise.  We learn that not only is Riker a power-tripping ego-maniac, but he's also a racist :O  He hates Bajorans (see episode 167) as well as Ferengi (multiple upcoming episodes).


Your hate has made you powerful, Riker!


Episode 104  "Silicon Avatar"
Data's new scientist friend kills Lore's dear friend, The Crystalline Entity. Rest in peace, old friend.

Episode 105  "Disaster"
The crew members become separated in various parts of the ship. Troi is in command of the ship.  No, we've glossed over that a little too quickly.  Troi. is. in. command. of. the. Enterprise.  Counselor Troi. AAAAAAAA!!! That's like giving a monkey a handgun...why oh why did they not have Chief O'Brien assume command? i find it fitting that the name of the episode where Troi is in charge of the Enterprise is entitled "Disaster."

Episode 106  "The Game"
Someone uninvited shows up for dinner and the Federation is nearly destroyed by a videogame.



Frisbees and funnels. Fun. Erotic, too, apparently.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

"Oh. Wesley. It's good to see you. Really. It's been what, two or three days?"

"It's been like a year, Chief."

"Has it? Doesn't seem like that long."



Episode 107 "Unification, Part I"
Data and Picard go undercover to look for SPOCK! on Romulus.

Riker "hides" the Enterprise in a junkyard. Absolutely brilliant.

"Let's see...an Oberth class, a Miranda, and a....Galaxy class?!" O_o

Episode 108   "Unification, Part II"
Spock engages in cowboy diplomacy. Riker puts the moves on a...well, she's a humanoid, i guess.

 

No comment.

 

 

SPOCK!

Episode 109  "A Matter of Time"
A petty thief with a time ship from the future travels from the past to the "present" (which is our future).

Episode 110  "New Ground"
Dammit, if it's not one unwanted guest, it's another.

 

"Alexander?! Not again! Chief, the transporter filter didn't work!"

 

 

Alexander isn't the only one who makes a return...

 

"I'M BAAAACK!"

Episode 111  "Hero Worship"
Data builds a new offspring and calls him ROFL, but deactivates him when ROFL's emotion chip malfunctions.

Episode 112  "Violations"
Troi gets skull-fucked, i mean, mind-raped by a telepathic historian...and Riker's got a new ladyfriend.

 

A candlelight dinner with a G.M.I.L.F. Riker, you Cassanova. i love her rams horns haircut.

 

Episode 113  "The Masterpiece Society"
The Enterprise arrives at a planet of genetically engineered people (but not like the Universal Soldiers from episode 59). Star Trek makes a very strong case against genetic engineering with the examples of these people and Bashir.

 

 

ZZZZZZZZZ....hmmm, what? Oh, i'm listening. Yes i'm sure you can get a bullseye from 20 meters away....but can you bend a phaser with your bare hands? i thought not.

 

Episode 114  "Conundrum"
The staff writers cast a new Will Riker, but unfortunately are forced to abandon the idea when too many viewers notice the change of actors.

 

Picard's new right-hand man, Steve Guttenberg.

 

 

*gasp* As it turns out, Michelle Forbes got hazard pay for this one.

 

Episode 115  "Power Play"
Good news for the drinking game players...Data, O'Brien and Troi are possessed by aliens. i'll say this for the Couselor...she's not good at much, but she's a hell of a shot with a phaser.

Troi racks up the body count in Ten Forward.

Even B5 telepath Lyta Alexander is powerless against Troi's phaser.

Lyta Alexander - K.I.A.

Riker attempts to shut Data off, but pays for it with a broken sternum.

Episode 116  "Ethics"
Sigh...Alexander...WHY? At least it's not Wesley...

 

In this episode, Worf gets a backbone.

Episode 117  "The Outcast"
Riker gets a new boyfriend. Or is it a girlfriend? Either way, I feel sorry for him/her.

 

Episode 118  "Cause and Effect"

Frasier hunts down the Enterprise on a mission of vengeance (see episode 89 for details). He proceeds to destroy the Enterprise a thousand times.

"Riker, you will bleed for fucking my Lilith!"

However, his first few....hundred...attempts were less than successful.

Episode 119  "The First Duty"
What a truly bittersweet episode. The first appearance of Tom Paris (call him what you will in the episode, that's Tom Paris!)

and look who's back...

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

OMG!!! It's you!!! It's really YOU! You're the guy from the He-Man movie!

And, we catch our first glimpse of the lovely Ensign Sito.

Episode 120  "Cost of Living"
It's all about Lwaxana Troi and Alexander. Do you seriously expect me to review this one? i thought not.

Episode 121  "The Perfect Mate"
Rom tries to steal Xenia, the bride-to-be. Allow me to quote Riker: "Escort our Ferengi guests to quarters -- not too close to mine." He not only hates Bajorans, but Ferengi as well.

Rom is a fucking troublemaker.

Xenia, i'm glad to see that reports of your death have been greatly exaggerated.

Episode 122 "Imaginary Friend"
No, it's not about Riker's circle of friends. Basically, a female version of Chucky terrorizes the ship while the audience is forced to sit through another episode with Alexander in it.

Episode 123  "I, Borg"
The crew rescues a Borg and has doubts about sending him back to the Collective with a virus. Frack that. It's either us or them. Frankly, i'd choose us over the fracking toasters.

Episode 124  "The Next Phase"
Ensign Ro is driven to the brink by Riker's constant bullying and racial slurs, not to mention his horrid trombone-playing.

 

 

Quite possibly the best moment of Star Trek ever.

 

Episode 125  "The Inner Light"
Picard spends a lifetime as a rockstar. Or maybe a pipe player.

Episode 126  "Time's Arrow, Part I"
The crew travels back in time to prevent Data's head from being forcibly removed, with a little help from Mark Twain (before he started working for the Shadows. See Babylon 5 for details).

 

Mark Twain telling Guinan about the Shadows' benefit package. Kaiser Wilhelm I listens intently in the background.

Continue on to Season 6

 


 

 

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