The Essential Episode Guide to
Star Trek The Next Generation
SPOILER ALERT: There are spoilers throughout. You should have seen all of these episodes already anyway O_o
Worf? How's Jadzia? Wait...why are you wearing a gold sash? Hmm...he must be a future Worf sent back in time to correct some wrongs.
Episode 1&2 "Encounter at Farpoint"
I’ve seen this one so many times, it makes me ill...ah, and what a grand start for Riker...
"Why hello, little lady. Errr...shit...i mean, can we start over?"
Later, on Farpoint Station, Riker says, (allow me to quote now), "Tasha: you and the counselor, and Geordi -- I want your eyes down there." What an ass! Who does this guy think he is?
"How nice of you to point out that I'm blind, Sir. Would you also like to make fun of the color of my skin while you're at it?"
Episode 3 "The Naked Now"
Everyone gets sweaty. Data has sex with Tasha. The Boy takes over Engineering and imposes his fascist regime's policy of dessert before and after every meal.
The Boy tyrant smugly watching the poor engineer run into the repulsor beam.
At the end of the episode, President Roslin throws Wesley out an airlock for his treachery.
Episode 4 "Code of Honor"
Torches and laser cages. WTF? The civilization is obviously primitive, yet they built LASER CAGES. We don't even have laser cages on Earth (unfortunately.....we will have to wait until the year 2259.) Tasha is kidnapped by savages. If you're playing the TNG drinking game, take your first shot.
Tasha Yar delivers a crane kick in the infamous laser cage
Episode 5 "Haven"
There's a plague ship....and Riker pouts about Deanna Troi finding someone better than him.
Episode 6 "Where No One Has Gone Before"
Enter one of the saviors of The Next Generation -- The Traveler. (See episode 172 for details.)
Umm, Geordi, why are you out of uniform? And isn't that the captain's chair?
Episode 7 "The Last Outpost"
The first meeting of the Ferengi and the Federation. That's right. The FIRST meeting. Obviously Neelix as a Ferengi wearing a duster never happened (see Enterprise episode: Acquisition for details.)
Quark and his fellow Ferengi cavemen with their electro-whips
Episode 8 "Lonely Among Us"
The Enterprise enters a mystical energy field.
The Enterprise learning first hand about the power of the dark side. Notice Riker screaming louder than anyone else.
Riker is netted by the Selay. Ha.
Riker isn't the only one who doesn't like the Selay. Neither does Jimmy McMillan.
"The Selay are too damn alive!"
Episode 9 "Justice"
Wesley steps on the grass, thus breaking the sacred law of the Edo and should be executed…sorry, true fans, he doesn’t die. Karma is thrown out of balance for the rest of the universe.
Exhibit A: Wesley clearly breaking the law. The prosecution rests. The Boy must die.
Episode 10 "The Battle"
The Ferengi give Picard a gift of a starship with only a small string attached: a mind-control device. They don't heed the time honored saying of not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Riker calls Data "Second hand merchandise." What a dick. Picard recreates his maneuver at the Battle of Tanaab.
Episode 11 "Hide and Q"
Q tries to recruit Riker into the continuum. Q eventually withdraws his offer when the Continuum realizes there isn’t enough room in space and time for Riker’s ego, were he a Q.
The Boy all growed up. Nice...outfit....didn't i see you oiling men on the holodeck? Not that there's anything wrong with that ;)
Episode 12 "Too Short a Season"
The Enterprise crew is visited by Jonah Jameson. Or at least that's what i thought at first. It was very confusing to me. i couldn't figure out why ol' Jonah wasn't out for Spider-man's blood. As it turns out, it's actually "Mark Jameson." Mystery solved.
Episode 13 "The Big Goodbye"
The holodeck malfunctions. This is the first of many such occasions, thus making the holodeck the most dangerous piece of equipment in the Starfleet catalog. The X-men used this same technology in their aptly named "Danger Room."
Episode 14 "Datalore"
Lore! i try to imagine what it would have been like if Lore would have succeeded in getting rid of Data and taking his place. i bet Pulaski wouldn't mouth off to Lore...at least more than once.
Love the smile...and the nervous twitch.
Episode 15 "Angel One"
Angel One: A planet ruled by women. Riker and Trent find they have a lot in common.
No comment necessary.
Episode 16 "11001001"
Riker programs a woman in the holodeck to put up with his ego. Eventually all Hell breaks loose when the holodeck buffer cannot handle Riker's ego and a stack overflow occurs.
"Number One, for the last time, please stop using the holodeck."
Episode 17 "Home Soil"
Geordi and Data discover a "microbrain." No, not Worf. Hey don't get mad at me, that's what Q called him (see episode 42).
Episode 18 "When the Bough Breaks"
The Aldeans can't have children anymore so they kidnap Wesley, but eventually send him back before the Enterprise can escape. Take a drink for the kidnapping. Throw down the rest of the bottle because Wes is here to stay.
Episode 19 "Coming of Age"
Wesley takes his Starfleet Academy entrance exams but is outperformed by Nog. Starfleet Academy makes up a plausible excuse to only allow one candidate to make it in and thus save themselves from Wesley.
Episode 20 "Heart of Glory"
The most interesting part of this episode is the disruptor they make from a Klingon boot. Awesome!
"You're sure it's safe, right? Should it really wobble that much?"
Episode 21 "The Arsenal of Freedom"
A weapon called the "Echo Papa" terrorizes the Enterprise. As it turns out, Echo Papa is fun to say. Try it. No, seriously. Picard and Crusher get stuck in a hole. i've noticed this happens pretty often that someone from the crew gets trapped in a pit. Take a shot any time this happens.
Data attempts to get an instant promotion. His mistake is that he aimed for Riker's nonexistent heart.
Episode 22 "Skin of Evil"
He's really a nice guy once you get past his sadistic personality.
"While the U.S.S. Enterprise is en route to rendezvous with Troi's shuttlecraft, a bizarre malfunction causes the transport vehicle to crash on Vagra II.The only life form on the planet is Armus, a sinister entity that derives pleasure from the suffering of others.Picard orders Commander Riker, Dr. Crusher, Lieutenant Commander Data and Lieutenant Yar to the planet to rescue Troi. Upon arrival, they discover that a strange entity has surrounded the crash site with a forcefield, preventing the away team from helping her.
Captain Picard beams down with the rest of the away team in an attempt to negotiate for the crash victims' release. However, Armus responds by ridiculing the crew and tormenting them with vicious and childish pranks.While Picard tries to reason with Armus, Lt. Worf and Wesley Crusher discover that when Armus is provoked, the forcefield around the shuttlecraft weakens. Picard then taunts Armus, while Lt. Worf and Wesley beam the crew back to the U.S.S. Enterprise.Picard orders the starship to destroy the shuttlecraft with the ship's phasers and declares the planet off limits to future Federation travelers, thus leaving Armus quarantined on a barren, lonely planet forever." (this episode review courtesy of startrek.com).
Oh, also, Tasha Yar dies.
Episode 23 "Symbiosis"
i love how Trek recycles their actors :) Maybe there's an explanation. After Genesis went off, the same Genesis mojo brought David and Khan's lieutenant back to life as well....and they went to make an honest living by blackmailing a planet with the only known cure to a horrible disease.
David? You're alive?! And you, didn't i see you on the Reliant? Aren't you dead? Wait, if you're alive...does that mean Khan is, too? Oh, fuck! Hail Starfleet!
Episode 24 "We'll Always Have Paris"
The space-time continuum is nearly destroyed by Picard's ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.
Episode 25 "Conspiracy"
The Zerg plan to take over Starfleet. The Federation is nearly destroyed by this:
It's a bug.
Riker picks a fight with an old man and gets his ass handed to him. See side show below:
Will Riker giving a friendly boot to the face to an old man. "Is that your best shot?"
"Try this on for size, old man!"
"Do i hear a little girl crying down there?"
(Note: this is not the last time that Riker gets beaten up by an old man. Let's add that to the drinking game, shall we?)
Episode 26 "The Neutral Zone"
Amelia Earhart, a Japanese officer, and a farmer in cryogenic suspension are discovered by Voyag....err i mean the Enterprise.
"Hail them, Ringo." That voice...Dukat?! The Cardassians have infiltrated the Romulans. Wow.
Continue on to Season 2
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