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Thoughts of the Days

Thoughts of the Daze Archive 2

Health care

On my five minute drive home yesterday, i couldn't help but notice not one, but two different billboards with advertisements for hospitals/clinics. Just stop for a moment and let that sink in. Hospitals advertising....

What does that say about a country, where health care institutions advertise? ...right there in front of us, in the size of 30 x 50 feet, proudly proclaiming what the most lucrative business in America is -- people's pain and suffering. Maybe that's dark, and maybe that's a warning sign that something is wrong.

 


 

Just to clarify...

i'm not sure i fully expressed what i meant in that last Thought of the Daze below, so let me try again.

In fact, i'd rate them as a lower form of humor than toilet humor. They may not even be classifiable as "humor." The unintentional ones are the best, and those ones are more like accidents, like "oops, i shit my pants."

 


 

Just trying to help...

When i see something like this -- Russian warships causing no ripples or alarm in Pentagon via the Associated Press...

Or this one...

"Bush shoe incident catches Secret Service flatfooted" by Greg Gordan and Adam Ashton of McClatchy Newspaper (on the AP), i groan.

Granted, i thought the shoe throwing thing was hilarious and i salute that Iraqi reporter...but the headline, come on! i write for a newspaper at one of my jobs...you will NEVER catch me writing a stupid ass headline like that. So, i feel that newspaper journalists and editors across the nation missed out on a memo, so here it is! No more excuses, fuckers.

 


 

Namesake

The other day at work i came across a guy named Thor Thorson Jr. So, in other words, he's the son of Thor son of Thor. i drew a picture to help you follow this convoluted family tree.

i can only hope that Thor Thorson Jr. has a child and names it Thor Thorson Jr. Jr. [picture inspired by the artwork of Jon Nauss]


i have been pondering and have determined the ultimate pinnacle in hubris is naming your offspring after yourself (e.g. - John Doe Jr.) i've noticed it seems to be males only. It must be a "sign of power." It's more than a little pretentious. Notice that women don't have Jr.s after their names. Guys, take a lesson in humility here. Actually, take a lesson in originality too. Stop naming your children after yourselves, you pompous asses.

 


 

Newsflash from the Associated Press!

[extreme sarcasm] No! [/extreme sarcasm]

Feel free to see the article in its entirety at: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081201/ap_on_bi_ge/recession


 

i really love these...

A couple of things on this one:

  1. Most criminal investigators in this country don't wear those kinds of hats. Do your fuckin' jobs, marketing department.
  2. Do you really need a degree to be a bounty hunter? And if so, what a conversation stopper it would be when someone asks, "So, what's your major?" and you reply, "i'm a bounty hunter."

 


 

A staunch Republican disapproves of the election results. That woman's reaction to Obama winning seems a bit severe. Actually it's an ad for Treximet, a headache medicine. Hmm...removing one's head to get rid of a headache might be a bit of an overreaction too, now that i think about it.


 

Happy Halloween from my pumpkin and me to you.

 

 


 

Flat Earth Society, welcome to the 16th Century.

Flat Earth Society member Samuel Shenton remarked: "It's easy to see how a photograph like that could fool the untrained eye" in regards to photographs of Earth from the moon. Say what you will about the Apollo Moon landings being a hoax, staged by Hollywood and based on a script by Arthur C. Clarke...believe whatever you want about that and satellite images...but what about a certain someone you may have heard of called Ferdinand Magellan? What did he do? Simply do circles around the Canary Islands from 1519 to 1522?

Exhibit A.

The prosecution rests.

 


 

 


 

8 > 2

After much soul searching, i have decided to switch my religious views to "Spider God of Peru" after watching the discovery in the news. After all, eight legs are better than two legs. My God is a powerful one! He/She spins a web to catch all of our enemies and this web holds us safe above the Hellfires, am i right, brothers and sisters? And Her/His religion is so much more positive than a Judeo-Christian one; not so much of a "downer religion." No sir, no "Thou shalt nots..." in this religion. Just love! i would like to thank the Prophet Charlotte for spreading the good word.

Instead of the painful reminder of the Cross (which must be absolutely terrifying to Jesus why Christians would pick the instrument of his death as their symbol), The Spider God of Peru has this:

Spiders aren't so scary now, are they?

 


 

Breaking news! We have uncovered a lost diary entry from one of the instructors at the Top Gun flight school.

 

A thank you goes to Jon Nauss for contributing this! :)


 

Gaming is for everyone

i work at a local videogame store and i see all kinds...but i didn't know how to react to this one couple that came in the other day. An elderly couple (in their 60s, possibly 70s) brought some Wii games in and were thinking about trading for new games. One of the games they had was Rapala Fishing and the other was Manhunt. Yeah. Manhunt. i told the gentleman the prices we could give him and he said, "Ok, i'll have to go ask my wife (who was browsing in the store) if she wants to trade her game for that price." ...her game? It wasn't the fishing game. Her game was MANHUNT! My wild imagination then ran wild, picturing her talking to her friends in her knitting circle. "My goodness, Edna, you have to try Manhunt out! Oh, it's a hoot! You can suffocate people with plastic bags!" O_o

 


 

What kind of cooks are you?!

 

GROSS!


 

The Brewers' season so far this year...

 

The first part of the season!

...and since then...

 

 

 


 

The Road to Nowhere.

...ummm...what road?


 

Zombie Debt!

i saw this news article on Yahoo news...

"RRRrrrrgghhh! Do not have job! Cannot pay bills! Do not have enough money for brains! RRrrrraaaaaaagghhhh!" - Zombie formerly known as Richard Jacobsen.

"I see this kind of thing all the time -- zombies think they can just keep using their credit cards and not pay back any debts. They think that since they're dead, they no longer have to pay off their old debts. It's sad really. They typically lose their jobs due to their deaths and struggle to make ends meet. We've had so many cases of zombies lose their homes because they keep up their frivolous spending, buying a new car or 1000 pairs of shoes. " - J.P. Morgan economist, Tori Anderson.

 


 

War on drugs over! Drugs win!

Check out this child's toy i found. Yep, it's a syringe. What kind of a toy is this? What messages does this send to America's youth? It's no wonder why so many kids turn to drugs. "Now little Billy, make sure you use the rubber hose when you're shooting up. There, that's a good boy."

 


 

What raspberries?

i'm not exactly a fruit connoisseur, so correct me if i'm wrong...that is the strangest looking raspberry i have ever seen.

 


 

Fashion advice.

 

 


 

Who wants a mustache ride?

Now that's mustache pride for you. It's the first thing he mentions...and it's quite the dealbreaker! A "thank you" goes to Jon Nauss for finding this.

 


 

The last call for primatestore.com. i promise this will be the last TotD involving the Primate Store.

Just look at that serious expression on the sensei's face...and then look at the chimp standing in front of him. i wonder if that chimp earned that black belt...


 

Shame on you! Here is a photo Cindy sent in to http://www.primatestore.com/

Cindy, you are a fucking racist.


 

 

More monkeys. Here is another customer picture from http://www.primatestore.com/

...i'm sure nothing foul and depraved happened shortly after this photo was taken...

 


 

Monkeys!

So i stumbled across a website called The Primate Store.com (http://www.primatestore.com/) and i stumbled across some funny (unintentionally) pictures that i need to share. Stay tuned for more upcoming pics.

i think the creepiest part of this picture is this monkey's obsession with Elmo. That, and the owners of this monkey took him to a photography studio to get this picture taken. That must have been an interesting day for the poor photographer who had to take the pictures. But, i'm sure he/she had a great conversation piece to share with others after that.

 


 

 

Did you get the memo? i have decided to add a new topic to the Thoughts of the Daze -- the memo. i'm just doing my civic duty and telling certain people what everyone else in the world already knows.

 


 

God i hate Superman.

"Hello, Metropolis P.D.? Superman is drunk again and pissing in my yard."

 


 

Superman is no hero.

Here we see Superman caught in the act. Smoking and spending time and hiring prostitutes...Shame on you, Superman!

 


 

The city planner was probably not an astronomer.

West North Star? Wait, there's more than one?


 

Baseball.

Our bullpen (plus Suppan, who is a starting pitcher and should be traded to the Cubs for a hot dog):

Impressive ERAs...too bad the higher the number is, the worse you are.

 

After watching the Brewers lose 8 to 6 in the 12th inning, and knowing that Ben Sheets, though an ace of a pitcher, is hurt for 90% of a season, i have decided the Brewers need a new bullpen...

 

...and here they are! Numbers 2, 1, 5, 3, and 4. At least #s 5 and 3 have some heat.

 


 

Speechless.

Like all the other items in the Thoughts of the Daze, this is real and unaltered.

"...................." - zero.

 


 

Sweet irony.

This "Hazards of Biofuels" article is brought to you by the kind folks at bp, proud supporter of biofuels O_o

This NY Times article was submitted by dontpanic.


 

Facebook fun.

If you are on Facebook, surely you've seen something like this. "Why is Laura spending time with my favorite guy anyways? Wait, i have a favorite guy?"

 


 

i was talking with a woman at work the other day and she said, "I'm sick of getting my ass chewed out -- literally." With my imagination, that's not such a good thing to be running wild in my head :(


 

Scrabble is philosophy.

i was playing Scrabble online and these ads popped up.

Philosophy fragrances? "Yes, i'll take the Nietzsche 'Will to Power Cologne' and 'Simply Socrates' as well."

The last one is good, too. i guess "Quantitative scientific proof that a philosophical view opposed to religious belief in a higher being requires an unsubstantiated belief in something unprovable" just didn't sound right. O_o

 

 


 

There appears to be a disconnect.

Sounds good. But how does that work exactly?


 

 

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