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The Essential Episode Guide to Crusade

 

Episode 1 "War Zone"

"Yeeaah, we're going to need you to go ahead and ready the main gun. That'd be greeaat. "

Captain Gideon strikes up a dramatic pose

 

Episode 2 "The Long Road"

"Yeah. Peter, we're going to need you to work another shift in Engineering."

 

Episode 3 "The Well of Forever"

"Hi, Galen, yeah, it's 1400 hours and we still don't see you on the ship. It's not a holiday today or anything."

 

Episode 4 "The Path of Sorrows"

"Hi. Galen? It's Bill Lumberg again. Yeah, we still need you to come in to the ship today."

Episode 5 "Patterns of the Soul"

"Yeah, Galen?"

Episode 6 "Ruling from the Tomb"

"Yeeaaah..."

Episode 7 "The Rules of the Game"

"Yeah..."

Episode 8 "Appearances and Other Deceits"

"Yeah, hi. "

Episode 9 "Racing the Night"

"Thank you for hailing Excalibur....Just a moment!"

 

Episode 10 "The Memory of War"

"There's my PPG. I'll just be taking that back now."

 

Episode 11"The Needs of Earth"

"B-but, that's my PPG. I need my PPG. I like it and it's my PPG. I've had it for years and I want to keep it."

"I'm going to blow up the ship."

 

Episode 12 "Visitors from Down the Street"

"The truth is out there." Dear god....it's the X-Files...how did they not get sued for this? Not only did they utterly rip off X-Files, but i believe Chris Carter, David Duchovny, and Gillian Anderson can all make a legitimate law suit against J. Michael for dragging their good names down with this lump of festering rat shit of an episode.

Episode 13 "Each Night I Dream of Home"

*GASP* Captain Lockley and Captain Lumberg are romantically involved. Allow me to leave you with one last image...ENJOY!

That's Lockley's foot >:] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

*Please note: i actually have watched all of these episodes once. Please do not ask me to watch them again. i think i would rather chew off my own leg than have to watch this shitbomb again. In fact, here is a picture of me disposing of my Crusade DVDs:

*Also note: these screenshots are not taken from "Crusade." This is obvious to anyone who has ever seen the delightful (and true) Office Space. My thanks go out to Mike Judge and the cast and crew of Office Space for letting me use the previous images in my tribute piece ;)

 


 

 

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