The Essential Episode Guide to Babylon 5
SPOILER ALERT: There are spoilers throughout. You should have seen all of these episodes already anyway O_o
i don't recall Delenn having hair in season 1....hmm guess i was wrong.
"Midnight on the Firing Line"
Ironically, this first meeting is the same as their last.
...and Babylon 5 gets a new telepath = )
Not only is she beautiful and smart, but i don't even need to use a pickup line on her since she can read my mind ;)
Commander Sinclair rescues a Soul Hunter....and how does the Soul Hunter repay him? By stealing the souls of people onboard B5.
Things got a little out of hand when Sinclair turned the Soul Cannon at the Soul Hunter's junk...
...Word of this leaked out and a Soul Hunter Jedi came to investigate. Luckily for the crew of Babylon 5, he was a Light Jedi.
"Born to the Purple"
Londo's slave girl escapes. Londo and Sinclair go on a mission to bring her back.
An elf, an orc, and a civil war soldier walk into a bar...stop me if you've heard this one.
Ummm...where is Londo's hair, by the way?
Valen, i mean, Sinclair...you dog, you! Get away from my girl!
An alien artifact turns a mild-mannered petty thief/thug into a crazed, lightning-spewing, armored death machine from Hell! This monster is beaten by a middle-aged man and a guilt trip.
There's really not much more to the episode than this O_o
"Parliament of Dreams"
An assassin sneaks past inept security guard Zack Allen and tries to kill G'kar. Meanwhile, everyone on the station takes part in a week-long ceremony of drinking, sex, and other debauchery. When in Rome...
[center] Notice the statue that Delenn chose to sit by...
Sinclair: "Stop me if you've heard this one -- A Buddhist, a Jew, and a Native American walk into a bar..."
Known felon (and dangerous rogue telepath), Jason Ironheart, sneaks past Zack Allen and nearly destroys the space-time continuum, not to mention Babylon 5. By the way, did anyone else notice that Walter Koenig does a better Russian accent than Ivanova? That says a lot...
Jason Ironheart cruelly executes Psi Corps hero, the lovely Kelsey. Thanks a lot, Zack.
Ironheart makes his getaway after nearly destroying the universe.
"The War Prayer"
A fanatic, racist terrorist group stabs, brands, and kills aliens on B5 under the ever-watchful eye of security officer, Zack Allan. Chief of Security, Garibaldi, is an awesome character and a brilliant man, but hiring Zack might have been a mistake...
A group of humans with Drazi masks attack a random human
Sinclair gets kidnapped! Take a drink! Oh, wait, that's from the Star Trek drinking game. i was just about to make a comment about Zack's lack of ability, but i just realized something...
...Khan's lieutenant is the one who kidnaps Sinclair! What sort of time-traveling kidnapping scheme did Khan have in mind? Even Garibaldi would have a hard time nabbing the right-hand man of the galaxy's foremost supergenius, Khan.
A humanitarian, named Deathwalker, visits B5 and wants to distribute youth serum to the galaxy. However, the League of Non-aligned Worlds intervenes and wants to put her on trial. Oh, and i forgot to mention...did you notice that Zack let a maniacal war criminal bent on the genocide of all other races in through the front door?
"We're a league of non-aligned worlds....but we're aligned into the form of a league, sooooo....................What do you think, my Drazi friend?"
"That is perplexing. Nice tie, by the way."
Ugh....this episode feels like a Trek episode that Roddenberry flushed down the toilet. An alien race, whose religion revolves around eggs, visits the station. Their kid gets sick and Dr. Franklin gives him a piece of industrial waste, calling it a "Gloppit Egg."
"It makes my hand throb with pain and go numb at the same time..."
Zack unwittingly lets a group of radicals plant a bomb in the hangar bay of B5. If this bomb would have went off slightly later, it would have killed the President and saved Vice President Clark a lot of work and dirty deals. This episode features Giovanni Ribisi (from Saving Private Ryan and other movies) in drag as Lianna Kemmer:
Wow...but seriously, is it just my imagination, or are all the minor B5 actresses lovely? Why couldn't we get this girl instead of Ivanova or Lyta?
"By Any Means Necessary"
There is an explosion in the docking bay (probably from aftershocks of a weekly bombing) and the workers strike. Who can blame them? They live in squalor and the crime-infested shithole of Down Below and, judging by the number of the sick and dying, there is still no universal health care in the future :(
C&C automated voice message: "All circuits are busy. Please hold."
Dock Worker Joe (A.K.A. Mario): "Yeah, no problem, the fusion reactor hasn't caught fire yet. Maybe i'll call Medbay in the meantime about the fire on my back."
Medbay automated voice message: "Insured customers, press 1 at this time to speak to a representative; all other calls, please hold."
Dock Worker Joe: "........."
Also, in this episode, G'kar says that he'll "kill Mollari with his bare hands." ...yet more foreshadowing ;)
"Signs and Portents"
The Raiders attack the station!
"This is Captain Howie Long. Prepare to be sacked, Babylon 5."
In this episode, we learn about the strange bathrooms they have in the future...
Sinclair does his dirty work while Garibaldi cleans his hands in front of a window!
After they finish, they leave the bathroom...
Notice the "Male" symbol on the left and the woman passing between the boys on her way to the bathroom.
The future is a glorious place. We finally unlock the technology of Laser Cages(tm) somewhere around the year 2258.
Warriors battle in the Laser Cage with their futuristic Mutai Martial Arts, which is still developing into the "Ultimate Martial Arts"(tm) that we see in the distant future.
Garibaldi and Walker Smith share a meal of burgers and a bowl of fingers. Wait a second....what's that in the background? Zima apparently makes a comeback in the future.
David Warner stumbles onto the B5 set in a mad search for the Holy Grail. What's next? King Arthur? O_o
The rest of the episode is a Centauri porno flick.
Ok, perhaps the tentacle actually belongs to a Nakaleen Feeder, a race of aliens that suck the very life out of people. As Londo puts it, "AAAAAH! Hideous creatures! We lost an entire colony to them," before he ran and hid in his quarters. And how did such a fiendish creature get on board the station, you wonder...
Zack: "What's in the bag?"
Obvious criminal: "A horrific, life-sucking alien monster. Errr, no, i mean candy. Yeah, candy for the orphans of...Down Under...Down Town...Down Around...Down...umm...?"
Zack: "You mean Down Below?"
Obvious criminal: "Yeah, that's it! Down Below."
Zack: "That's wonderful! I love candy! Welcome to B5. No, I don't need to see your ID. Thanks. Move along, move along."
Sigh....Zack, Zack, Zack. That guy isn't fit to watch the gate at the Dunn County Fair, much less a 5 mile long interspecies space station.
A Psi cop (actually a time-traveling undercover Vorta from DS9) visits the station. Ivanova threatens to resign due to fear of being scanned. This is the first of 59 times this happens during the series. Suspicions start to rise after about 17th time she nearly resigns.
"What! She already resigned? I just boarded the station 5 minutes ago."
Also notice the telepath on the right is actually a Vorta.
The B5 Body Snatchers steal the body of a Minbari leader. The Minbari ponder going to war and eradicating the human race for shits and giggles.
Corwin: "Corwin make computer go. Corwin smart!"
Sinclair: "That's great, Corwin. Maybe someone else should be manning the defense systems."
"A Voice in the Wilderness, parts 1 and 2"
A treasure trove of new technology is found in B5's backyard, Epsilon 3....but no Zathras. Boo!
...well, there's Londo...and some other people i think. It's like i'm watching Reboot all of a sudden.
Babylon 4 looks so much cooler than B5's sparkplug shape
Ivanova tries to shut down Babylon 5's one and only free clinic. The damn alien healing device originates in this episode (Ivanova kills Marcus in this episode). Meanwhile, Londo and Lenier go gambling. Londo uses one of his prehensile penises to cheat at poker. This is not a joke.
This is the same reason that got me kicked out of Vegas, too.
Not a whole lot happens in this episode. Pretty much the only things that occured were: Garibaldi gets shot in the back by one of his own men who was involved in a plot to kill the president, Delenn goes into a cocoon, Londo forms a deal with Mr. Mordon (and thus the Shadows), the president is assassinated, the Shadows attack and kill 10,000 Narns in sector 37. Other than that, it's just status quo.
i hope you enjoy your stay here. Feel free to drop me an email and give me some feedback or tell me what's on your mind. Check back often for updates.
This site is best viewed via Netscape Navigator 3.02 or Mozilla Firefox.